How I would spend 1,000,000

A Million Dollars

If I had a million dollars I would buy a lot of stuff. To begin, [t1] with[t2]  my million dollars I would buy a car[t3]  . I[t4] n my awesome new car I would go to North Dakota because my family lives there. I want to build a zoo in North Dakota. I[t5]  will get all my family in my new car and we will look at the sleepy [t6] animals in my new zoo. I will go to chucky cheeses in my new car because theirplace is so awesome! Who does not love their[t7]  heart pumping rides, funny toys[t8] , games and pepperoni PIZZA[t9] ?  

                                        

Also I will grow a garden[j10]  to grow food for friends I can grow food for my family too. I would grow watermelons, apple trees and more things. It would be fun for me to grow a garden because I’ve never have grown a garden. That’s how I would spend my million dollars!       [j11] 

By Ben Hanson

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 [t1]Get rid of the comma

 [t2]To begin, with my million dollars I would blah blah

 [t3]period

 [t4]In my awesome new car  I would….

 [t5]Can you tie the car into this. For example….I will get all my family members to get into my car and we will go party at Chuck y Cheeses restaurant.

 [t6]I cant see all of them. What are some adjectives to tell about the animals. For example. Friendly, spunky, sleepy, dopey, fierce some

 [t7]Add adjective before rides. Example…heart pumping rides

 [t8]Add adjective before toys.

 [t9]Adjective before pizza?

 [j10]This sentence needs more to it.

 [j11]Good start to a sentence but not a complete thought.